How Not To Fly (about)

Georgetown College Aide Arrested After Stuffed-Pig Fracas

[Georgetown, KY] Tension over "Miss Congeniality's" talent presentation -- which included roping a stuffed pig -- escalated to the point that a college employee now faces a misdemeanor assault charge for allegedly grabbing the student during a pageant rehearsal....

The student, Keaton Lynch Brown... told police in a complaint that [Kathy] Wallace grabbed her by the arm, pulled her from the stage and dragged her down some steps until she hit a door facing. The warrant says Wallace continued to hold Brown, "intentionally causing physical injury" to her arm, elbow, rib cage and hip....

"There was some controversy over whether her talent was lady-like..."

British Court Rejects WWF Appeal

[London] The World Wrestling Federation lost another round in its bruising bout with a nature charity Wednesday, as a London court rejected its bid to use the WWF initials that the two groups share....

The charity -- best known for its efforts to protect the giant panda and other endangered animal species -- had taken legal action to protect its global brand and reputation from connection with the Stamford, Conn.-based professional wrestling group, famous for musclebound wrestlers such as The Rock and Undertaker.

Secret Service Security Plan Left In Souvenir Store

[Salt Lake City, UT] Secret Service agents shopping for Olympics souvenirs lost a document detailing security plans for Vice President Dick Cheney's appearance at the closing ceremony...

When Greenhalgh called to report the mistake, a Secret Service representative promised that an agent would pick up the log... After 45 minutes, no one had arrived, so he offered to take it to the agency's downtown office. In exchange, Greenhalgh requested an autographed picture of Cheney, but was rebuffed and then decided to contact the [Salt Lake City Tribune.]

Iguana-Throwing UK Woman Convicted

[London] The doorman said he twice asked Wallace to leave, and that she threw the iguana at him twice... Wallace then went to the police station at nearby Cowes where she became abusive to officer David Harry and threw the iguana at him.

Shoplifter Flees Without Infant

[Irondequoit, NY] A store clerk asked to look in the woman's purse. The woman refused and began to choke the clerk. After a brief altercation, the clerk wrested the purse away from the woman, who ran out, got into a minivan and fled. Police were told the woman had left [her 7-month-old baby.]

Condit's Wife Sues Tabloid For $10 Million In Libel Case

[Fresno, CA] His wife has [otherwise] remained in the shadows during the controversy and has not commented directly on her husband's alleged affair with Levy or reports that he also had a romance with a flight attendant.

Bush Visited Beijing In 1975

Young George visited the Great Wall. He also reportedly spent time pursuing Chinese women -- without much success.

Some Recruiters Using Law To Open Student Directories

[Charleston, SC] If [asking the schools to turn over student contact information] doesn't work, Lamborn said the office would start what is known as the Hutchinson process, which involves a visit from a colonel or Navy captain to the school. If the visit is unsuccessful, the school is reported to the governor for not providing directory information. If the situation is unresolved after a year, it goes to Congress.

Man Drove Dead Wife 300 Miles To Donate Body

[Pittsburgh, PA] Workers at UPMC Presbyterian were stunned when a man drove up in a rented cargo van and told them he wanted to donate his wife's body to science.

Porn Legend Opens Coffee Shop In San Diego

Porn legend Larry Flynt opened a combination coffee shop and adult bookstore in downtown San Diego Friday.

Alleged Remarks On Islam Prompt An Ashcroft Reply

Attorney General John D. Ashcroft, under increasing fire from Muslim and Arab American groups over comments he allegedly made about Islam, said yesterday that the reported remarks "do not accurately reflect what I believe I said." The carefully worded, one-sentence statement issued by Ashcroft late yesterday was the latest attempt to contain an escalating public relations problem...

The flap erupted last week over a previously unnoticed November radio commentary by syndicated columnist Cal Thomas, who quoted Ashcroft as saying: "Islam is a religion in which God requires you to send your son to die for him. Christianity is a faith in which God sends his son to die for you."

Sex Battle Discovered In Insects

In some species, male water striders developed a flatter abdomen and longer clasping genitalia that made them more successful in overcoming resisting females.

Storefront Lingerie Display Upsets Some In Westfield [NJ]

The store has been the subject of complaints since it opened last fall. Resident Libby Reinhardt gathered 250 signatures on a petition urging people to boycott the store....

Resident Tom O'Neill had never stepped inside a Victoria's Secret before, but said the recent uproar inspired him to shop there for clothing for his wife. "It's one of the reasons I stopped in," he said. "It got me curious."

Woman, Feds Spar Over Smuggled Sperm

The sperm of a New York mobster is the subject of a court battle between the government and his wife, who helped bribe a guard to smuggle the fluid out of the prison where her husband is doing time. The government impounded the frozen sperm in 2000 at the office of Maria Parlavecchio's gynecologist in New York City and has refused to release it.

"It's fruits of the crime," federal prosecutor Wayne P. Samuelson said Monday. "It's contraband."

Barry White Songs Serenade Sharks

[Birmingham, England] Ten resolutely celibate sharks at the National Sea Life Center are getting a blast of Barry White in hopes they'll get in the mood for [reproduction.]

Television Ads Encourage Priesthood

The Archdiocese of Omaha [NE] has started a television campaign in an effort to encourage more men to join the priesthood. The church said the number of parishioners in west Omaha is increasing dramatically. Because of the growth, the church has unveiled a new marketing campaign. On Saturday, the Archdiocese started airing a 30-second commercial.

Man Convicted In Toilet Stall Mugging

Reynolds walked into a bathroom in an East Memphis [TN] office building, stuck his head under an occupied stall and said, "Give me your wallet, you old white-haired mother------."

Family, Bikers Duel Over Vest Of Fallen WTC Cop

[Paramus, NJ] The family of a Port Authority police officer killed in the World Trade Center attack and the motorcycle club he belonged to are sparring over his black leather vest...

Clifton police Lt. Les Goldstein, president of the Renegade Pigs' northern New Jersey chapter, said club rules clearly state that the "colors" of the club are the property of the Renegade Pigs. The rule is enforced so the club can ensure the patches don't fall into the wrong hands, Goldstein said.

Former President Reagan Turns 91

[Los Angeles, CA] On Oct. 11, Reagan eclipsed John Adams by living longer than any other U.S. president. Adams, who occupied the White House from 1797 to 1801, was born Oct. 30, 1735, and died July 4, 1826 -- a life of 33,119 days.

Too Many Kidneys For Local Man

[San Diego] "His kidneys... are actually just huge, fluid-filled cysts" [Dr] Boychuk said. "Normal kidneys should just be a little spot (on an x-ray), whereas he has these enormous cysts filling his whole abdominal cavity."

Ok, which of the following does not belong on a Denny's menu?

School Bus Driver, Woman Charged With Prostitution Aboard School Bus

[Bridgeport, CT] Police said they saw Jones stop his empty school bus and let Soto inside after she was seen motioning to passing motorists at Stratford and Newfield avenues.