How Not To Fly (about)

School District Says 'Searches Were Improper'

[Kansas City, MO] KMBC's Maria Antonia reported that it has been exactly 10 days since third-graders said that they were searched because $5 turned up missing.... In the school district's letter to the parents, Superintendent Dr. Bernard Taylor confirmed that the students were subjected to "grossly improper searches." Taylor said in the letter that those searches violated district policy that clearly prohibits requiring students to undress as part of a search...

Univ. Of Michigan Player Arrested For Solicitation

[Ypsilanti, MI] A University of Michigan football player was arrested for trying to solicit a prostitute during an undercover operation... LeSueur, a sophomore from Holly Springs, Miss., has been suspended indefinitely from the team...

Why Jury Called It Murder

[Los Angeles, CA] ...several incidents suggested that the defendants knew their dogs were dangerous. "It was a series of actions, a series of failures to heed warnings, a series of careless taking of the dogs out and allowing them to lunge at people and attack people," Newton said. During the trial, prosecutors called 30 people who described terrifying encounters with the Presa Canarios.

Film Star Seagal Sued for $60M

[New York, NY] According to the lawsuit, Nasso accuses Seagal of backing out of his obligations on the advice of a Buddhist spiritual adviser known as Mukara, who persuaded Seagal to detach himself from his associates and even his children from two marriages. The lawsuit, filed Tuesday, asserts that Mukara convinced the 50-year-old actor that he could not become a reincarnated lama, or Tulka, unless he distanced himself from those with whom he'd associated.

Seagal and Nasso began doing business together in 1987, when Nasso handled the international marketing of Seagal's first hit film, "Above the Law..." Nasso served as associate producer for "Marked for Death" and executive producer for "Out for Justice..."

Bill Aims To Keep Seniors Safe With 'Granny Cams'

[Boston, MA] "People are concerned about their loved ones, especially when they can't be there with them," said state Rep. Gale Candaras, D-Wilbraham, who has introduced a bill in the Bay State. Her bill, currently under study, would allow families to set up video cameras in patients' rooms...

Uncertain Future For Russell Yates

[Houston, TX] After Andrea Yates' two suicide attempts in 1999, a doctor told the couple she likely would suffer from postpartum depression again if she had another child.... He blames doctors for not prescribing the same medicine that helped after her suicide attempts. He said he knew she was depressed and sought help for her but never thought she was a danger to the youngsters....

He said he misses the companionship of a wife and may like to have more children.

The personals ad practically writes itself:

SWM ISO morally Christian SWF, who is not insane, to endure 7+ years of pregnancy, and then care for and home-school the children. Must enjoy having all personal independence, privacy, and gratification taken away from you for over 9000 uninterrupted days without going insane. Living by a literal interpretation of the Bible -- while still able to tell reality from the voices in your head -- a big plus.

Pinkeye Afflicts Dartmouth Campus

[Hanover, NH] An unusually fast-spreading bacteria that caused conjunctivitis among as many as 1,000 Dartmouth College students could spread to other campuses after spring break, college officials and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said. "Schools need to be on the lookout when kids return from spring break," Dr. Jack Turco at Dartmouth's student health center said yesterday....

Dartmouth students began reporting the illness in January. Since then nearly 500 have reported pinkeye symptoms to the health center. A survey of the college's 5,000 students showed that 500 others may have had pinkeye but not reported it.

Seeking Asylum, N. Koreans Storm Embassy In Beijing

Masquerading as a tour group, the band, all sporting black hats, walked down a side street in one of Beijing's embassy districts, and then rushed through open embassy gates just behind a van, witnesses said. A Chinese policeman tackled one refugee at the gate but the man broke through, leaving the guard with only his hat. Once inside the embassy, the group erupted in a raucous cheer.

Condit's Brother Back In Broward Jail

[Fort Lauderdale, FL] The brother of outgoing California Congressman Gary Condit is now in a Broward County jail.... This is [Darrell] Condit's third run-in with the law in Florida. He was arrested in Broward County last July after failing to meet probation conditions from a DUI arrest six years ago.

Motorist Arrested In Bizarre Death

[Fort Worth, TX] Taken into custody on Wednesday was 25-year-old Chante Mallard, a nurse's aide. She told police she was drinking and using the drug Ecstasy when she accidentally struck Gregory Glenn Biggs, 37, at an intersection near her home.

...Mallard drove home, went inside and had sex with her boyfriend, then went to the garage to find Biggs still alive, according to the arrest warrant affidavit.

'Vagina' Playwright Tours Kabul

"Vagina Monologues" playwright Eve Ensler is taking her message of women's solidarity to Kabul, Afghanistan, this weekend...

Holy Smokes! Prisoners Use Bible To Roll Tobacco

[Medford, OR] Forced to give up cigarettes, desperate inmates are smoking anything they can get their hands on, and discovering that pages ripped from the Bible make excellent rolling paper, jail officials say.

Enron's Skilling Weds Former Coworker

[Houston, TX] [Jeffrey] Skilling is the former Enron CEO who has testified before Congress twice in recent weeks about the company's collapse and his role in corporate operations.

CMU's 'Lobster Boy' Allegedly Fended Off Intruders

[Pittsburgh, PA] [Carnegie Mellon] senior William Kofmehl, 21, has been constructing a three-story building on the side of Doherty Hall as part of a university-funded [performance art] project. He wears an oversized lobster costume and does not speak while living in the structure, to which he is attached by a piece of rope.

...four members of the Delta Upsilon fraternity were issued citations after 12 males apparently tried to enter the dwelling. Kofmehl reportedly gave chase and placed one man in a headlock.

Catholic Priests Seek Spiritual Healing At Butlins

[London, England] ...Roman Catholic priests hope to soothe both body and soul with a weekend break of "pastoral and spiritual renewal" at a Butlins holiday camp in the seaside resort of Bognor Regis. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, head of the Roman Catholic church in England and Wales, has booked a group trip to the resort, which lures visitors to the heart of the "English Riviera" with the slogan "Come to Life, Come to Butlins."