How Not To Fly (about)

Man Sues Fast Food Chains; Says They Made Him Fat

Caesar Barber, 56, filed a lawsuit Wednesday in Bronx Supreme Court, naming McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken. "They said '100 percent beef.' I thought that meant it was good for you," Barber told Newsday. "I thought the food was OK...." He said he ate fast food for decades, believing it was good for him until his doctor cautioned him otherwise.

Experts: Ted Note May Be A Fake

The "Ted Williams" signature on a scribbled cryonics document filed by John Henry Williams yesterday shows key signs of forgery and strong similarities to John Henry's own signature, experts say.

...rumors that John Henry was signing his father's signature have been rampant in autograph circles for years, several sources said. One local dealer says he once saw John Henry sign a perfect "Ted Williams" as a gag.... Buzz Hamon, former manager of the Ted Williams Museum, said he saw the slugger confront his son about the rumors. "It was around that he had this ability," Hamon said. "He gave him a look and said, 'Is it true?' John Henry said, 'No, it isn't.'"

Dirty Diaper Sparked Idea For Fire-Blocking Gel

Company officials were in Reno [NV] Wednesday to demonstrate the product developed by John Bartlett, a Florida firefighter who noticed that a used, disposable diaper was the only thing that didn't burn in a 1993 house fire. [Disposable] diapers are made of highly absorbent polymers that soak up and retain many times their weight in water. The polymers did their job for a baby that day in Florida and later kept the diaper from burning....

Once sprayed, the gel hardens into a paste-like coating of super-absorbent material that acts like layers of tiny sponges, holding large amounts of water that protect a home from flame and radiant heat.

Woman Carrying Nine Foetuses

[Riyadh, Saudi Arabia] A Sudanese woman is two months pregnant with nine foetuses after undergoing two years of infertility treatment at a Saudi hospital. Saudi newspapers quoted officials at Jeddah's Suleiman Faqih hospital on Thursday as saying the 20-year-old woman's rare pregnancy was the result of the treatment she received, which included hormone therapy.

Connecticut Court Says It Cannot Dissolve Civil Union For Gay Couple

[Hartford, CT] Vermont, where they were joined, also will not dissolve their relationship. Though anyone can get a civil union license in Vermont, state law requires at least one party be a legal resident before the family courts will rule on a dissolution.

The couple were joined in a ceremony on New Year's Eve of 2000, six months after Vermont enacted the country's first law allowing homosexual couples to enter into a legal relationship similar to a marriage. But the relationship didn't last and Rosengarten applied on July 11, 2001 to have the relationship legally ended in a civil court in Stamford, Conn.... The Superior Court ruled that it did not have jurisdiction in the case because Connecticut does not have civil unions.

Car Not Big Enough, People Put Kids In Trunk

[Keizer, OR] Police in Oregon have arrested two adults on their way to a barbecue -- after stopping their car and finding four children locked inside the trunk. Police in the community of Keizer say they found eight other passengers in the car as well. An emergency room doctor says the children could have died from heat stroke or suffocation.

Car Locks Thief Inside

[Gainesville, FL] David Christopher Lander, 51, of Gainesville, was arrested early Thursday morning after the car he was allegedly burglarizing locked him inside, Alachua County sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Keith Faulk said. The 1994 Infiniti is equipped with an anti-theft device that automatically locks the doors when the car alarm is triggered, Faulk said. When Lander entered the car, the doors locked.

Wal-Mart Employees' Tip Leads To Meth Bust

[Dilworth, MN] Ephedrine is one of the ingredients needed to make meth. It can be found in over-the-counter cold medicine, rubbing alcohol and drain cleaner. Wal-Mart employees told police that four people each purchased seven ephedrine boxes then ran out of the store...

Justice Department Organizing Citizen Reporting Program

Operation TIPS -- Terrorism Information and Prevention System -- drew prompt criticism from civil rights advocates, forcing government officials to deny that it would result in Americans spying on each other.... The ACLU said it was concerned that these volunteers would, in effect, be searching people's homes without warrants, that resources would be wasted on a flood of useless tips and that the program would encourage vigilantism and racial profiling.

HIV-Positive TV Muppet Worries Lawmakers

[Los Angeles] A day after show executives announced they would develop the as-yet-unnamed character for audiences in AIDS-ravaged South Africa, five members of the House committee on energy and commerce said the Muppet would be unwelcome on American TV.

Golfers 'Go Missing'

[Scotland] Golf officials are mystified by the non-appearance of more than 50 Nigerian and Ghanaian golfers who entered the Open championship but failed to turn up. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club told the BBC it had been surprised to receive so many applications from West Africa for the contest. A total of 58 people applied for visas to play in the qualifying rounds at one of 16 courses on Monday, but only five turned up....

"We have no idea if they got their visas or came into the country..."

As if we already didn't have enough to worry about without golf terrorism:

Mom Targeted By DCFS Still Breast-Feeds Boy, 8

[Springfield, Il] A year after fending off the state's attempts to take her child, a Downstate woman who tested the bounds of breast-feeding appeared on national television Tuesday in controversial footage showing her 8-year-old son suckling at her breast....

While reading from a Harry Potter book, a fully clothed Stuckey was shown briefly nursing her son -- something she said occurs once every 10 days to two weeks, even though Stuckey said she is unsure whether she is still producing milk.

White Couple, Black Twins

A white couple have had black twins after a shocking blunder at a British National Health Service fertility clinic.... The blunder could have occurred either through the black man's sperm being mixed with the white woman's eggs -- or an embryo, or embryos, made from eggs and sperm from the black couple could have been inserted into the white woman.

Mating Hedgehogs Spark Police Alert

German police rushed to investigate cries of distress reported by an elderly woman in a small town near Frankfurt... After two officers arrived on the scene and combed the area with flashlights, they found the source of the groans beneath a car parked about 20 metres from the woman's house. "They were looking around in the darkness, and then found the two hedgehogs at work under the car," said Neu.

Church Leaders Accused In Beating

[Austin, TX] Austin Police Detective Doug Havens said the boy told police that Joshua Thompson, who runs services for the [Capitol City Baptist Church's] Spanish-speaking members, accused him of cheating in memorizing Bible verses.

In the arrest affidavit, police said Joshua Thompson whipped the boy with a stick while his brother held the boy's face down.... A nurse told investigators the boy's injuries caused his kidneys to fail and that he needed a blood transfusion to live.

Ted's Son Wanted To 'Freeze Dad'

"Let's freeze Dad," Ted Williams' 33-year-old son said to Barbara Joyce "Bobby-Jo" Ferrell, according to her husband. Mark Ferrell said John Henry told Bobby-Jo he wanted to bring their father back to life "so he can play baseball in a hundred years."

...sources have told the Herald that Alcor representatives retrieved the 83-year-old Williams' body from the Citrus Hills hospital where he died Friday and took it to Arizona, where it is to be stored at minus-320 degrees until scientists can learn to bring him back to life. Meanwhile, Bobby-Jo Ferrell, 54, has indicated she plans to take legal action to bring her father's body back to Florida for cremation.

Scientists Estimate 30 Billion Earths

...if stellar statistics gathered in our local region of space are applied to our galaxy of 300 billion stars, then there may be 30 billion Jupiter-like worlds and perhaps as many Earth-like worlds as well.