How Not To Fly (about)

Woman Reportedly Strips At Airport Check / French Woman Bursts Into Tears In Court

Aguillaume was arrested Monday at Evansville [IN] Regional Airport after she allegedly stripped to the waist in an angry response to a security screener's attempt to search her with a metal-detecting wand. During a routine security screening, authorities say Aguillaume kept reaching inside her sweater, forcing guards to search her again. Aguillaume then became upset and allegedly removed her sweater, shirt and bra. Police said Aguillaume tried to pull away as an officer attempted to handcuff her. She later dropped to the ground and refused to get up.

Burial Box Linked To Jesus To Leave Israel

Israel has granted a four-month export license for an ancient burial box that may be the oldest archaeological link to Jesus. The limestone box, or ossuary, bears the inscription "James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus" in Aramaic.... The ossuary, which belongs to a private Israeli collector, is expected to be exhibited at a gathering of religious scholars in Toronto this fall.

It isn't often you hear about the one person Jesus Christ couldn't give a break to:

Man Gets Fine For Tossing Radioactive Cat Litter

[Whitman, MA] A man who ignored a veterinarian's order to flush his cat's radioactive waste down the toilet was hit with a $2,800 bill.... Jenness' cat, Mitzi, an 11-year-old shorthair, was treated with an injection of radioiodine after developing hyperthyroidism, which is common in cats her age.... Jenness said he decided to throw the litter in the trash after the waste hardened into abnormally large clumps....

Mitzi's mess was discovered at an incinerator in Rochester when alarms detected radioactivity. Workers traced the waste to Jenness after finding mail with his name on it nearby.

Bush's Father Says President Has Toughest Job Since Lincoln

[Des Moine, IA] President Bush is facing the toughest set of challenges of any president since Abraham Lincoln because of the shadowy nature of terrorism, his father said [at a GOP fund-raiser.]

The Manly Way To Save A Marriage

[Helena, MT] Authorities said Chad Porter hoped the staged assault would mend the couple's relationship by showing the woman she needed her husband's protection.... Porter was moving out of his estranged wife's house earlier this week when two men wearing white masks burst in, one with a revolver and the other a bat.... However, the woman told police she recognized the voice of one suspect and identified him as Porter's younger brother...

'70s Hippie Guru Guilty Of Murdering Girlfriend

After fleeing the country, Einhorn lived in the south of France for years as he fought extradition.... He said he had no idea how her body turned up in a locked steamer trunk in his Philadelphia apartment.... Einhorn, who will appeal, vanished in 1981 just before he was supposed to go on trial.

Bucktoothed Halloween Mask Bites The Dust / San Diego Costumemaker Halts Sales After Asian Americans Protest

Asian American activists on Wednesday forced a San Diego costumemaker to stop selling a vinyl mask of a bucktoothed, slant-eyed kung fu fighter.... The company shipped the mask from July to September to thousands of speciality and mass market retailers such as and Wal-Mart.

"Disguise apologizes to any group or individual who may be offended by this costume and mask," the company said in a statement. "No insult or offense was intended against any race, ethnicity or individual by the sale of this product...." The company will accept returns from stores until Oct. 30. The masks... were available Wednesday at the Spirit store in Serramonte Mall.

Bush Opposes Gun 'Fingerprinting'

President Bush does not support the recent days' push for firearms "fingerprinting" that has grown from the Washington-area sniper shootings, a spokesman said Tuesday...

The National Rifle Association and other gun-rights lobbyists oppose such a system, fearing it is one step down a path to a national database of gun owners.... A July 2001 report by ATF found that even the limited computerized ballistic fingerprints currently available to federal law enforcement officials had produced during the preceding 15 months 8,800 matches linking 17,600 crime scenes....

As for the assailant terrorizing Washington and its suburbs, the president's spokesman said: "In the case of the sniper, the real issue is values. These are the acts of a depraved killer who has broken and will continue to break laws and so the question is not new laws."

Microsoft Pulls Ad After Internet Faux Pas

Red-faced executives at Microsoft Corp. on Monday pulled a breezy advertisement purportedly by a free-lance writer who switched to using Windows software from the rival Macintosh, amid questions about whether the woman actually exists. An employee at a public relations company hired by Microsoft, Valerie G. Mallinson of Shoreline, Wash., later acknowledged she was Microsoft's mysterious convert....

Trouble erupted after amateur sleuths at a popular technology Web site, Slashdot.org, noticed that a photograph showing the woman with a cup of coffee was a stock image available for purchase elsewhere on the Internet.

After admitting to fabricating the testimonial, the Microsoft free-lancer immediately turned blue and died.

Nobel Prize Honors Carter For Years Of Waging Peace

[Plains, GA] For his peacemaking and humanitarian work over the past 25 years, former President Jimmy Carter was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday... The Nobel Peace Prize, which carries a stipend of $1,000,000, recognizes the 39th president for his "vital contribution" to the Camp David accords in 1978, his "outstanding commitment to human rights," his work fighting tropical diseases like guinea worm and river blindness and his continuing interest in furthering democracy. On Monday, Carter, 78, will go to Jamaica to monitor elections.

...with seemingly endless energy and his signature toothy grin, he trudged up mountains to meet with warlords, cajoled dictators into granting more freedoms and found a second career of "waging peace," as he calls it.

Simon's False Accusation Could Prove Fatal / Political Experts Astonished By Latest Blunder

On Tuesday, [California gubernatorial candidate Bill] Simon touted a photo of the check transfer... that he said "clearly shows [Democratic incumbent] Gray Davis receiving a check in his office in the state Capitol in a clear violation of state law."

Simon said Davis' illegal activity had "been proven now, with the release of today's photograph." But pressed by reporters to explain how he was sure the picture depicted a Capitol office, Simon backpedaled, saying "he may or may not" have proof and arguing, "I'm not the tribunal here. It's not our job to verify this evidence."

Nimoy Sees No Logic In Cancellation Of Talk

The Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle has canceled an appearance by Leonard Nimoy over a dispute concerning nude images in the former "Star Trek" actor's new art-photography book....

[Federation director Barry Goren said,] "I think it's pretty self-explanatory. If you were running a charity fund-raising dinner and there were going to be images of naked women or naked women with Jewish ritual objects draped on them, that might be offensive to some folks." The book's cover, for example, shows a woman with a nipple visible through a translucent garment, and with phylacteries -- a traditional Jewish prayer accessory -- wrapped around one arm.

U.S. Obesity Rates 'Frightening'

[Chicago, IL] La Rabida Children's Hospital has started a weight-loss program for seriously obese kids ages 10 to 18 who weigh an average of about 250 pounds. More than 100 kids are on the waiting list.

Archaeologists Unearthing Distillery In George Washington's Home

Washington's distillery at Mount Vernon on the Potomac River's Virginia bank, south of the capital, poured out 11,000 gallons a year at its peak, according to plantation records. At the time, the average distillery produced less than 1,000 gallons annually. Washington's booze -- mostly corn and rye whiskey and fruit brandy -- was one of his plantation's biggest moneymakers.

Polygamist Cop Charged With Bigamy

[Salt Lake City, UT] A polygamist police officer has been charged with bigamy and illegal sex with a 16-year-old girl, according to documents unsealed Monday by Utah's attorney general. Rodney H. Holm, 36, has three wives and 21 children, according to prosecutors and his own attorney. One of the wives, a 16-year-old girl, is his legally recognized wife's younger sister....

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon church, disavowed polygamy in 1890 and excommunicates those who practice plural marriage. But the Holms belong to a separate group -- the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints -- whose members openly practice plural marriage.

Who's the Mormon dick
That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Polygamist Cop!
You damn right
Who is the man that married a teenager
While married to her sister?
Polygamist Cop!
Right on
They say this Polygamist Cop is a bad brother-in-l--
Shut your mouth!
But I'm talkin' about Polygamist Cop
Then we can dig it!
He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his three women

Internet Problems Tied to WorldCom's UUNet Unit

Network problems in the largest networks tend to cause problems throughout the Internet because the networks are interconnected, said Seth Libby, an analyst with market-research firm the Yankee Group in Boston. Internet providers are dependent on one another, so if the network from a high-traffic area from New York to Boston gets disrupted, traffic is forced through smaller channels that are less equipped to handle that volume of traffic, he said.

7 Boys Charged As Adults In Beating

[Milwaukee, WI] Prosecutors charged seven youths as adults with first-degree reckless homicide Thursday in a savage mob beating... The 10-year-old entered the courtroom Thursday as cameras clicked away. Before the hearing, his father said police bungled the investigation of Young's death and defended both his sons. An older brother of the 10-year-old also has been arrested but not yet charged. "They got this thing all fouled up," the boy's father said. "They're making a butcher out of a 10-year-old boy and a group of boys.... Kids are going to be kids."

Homeless Men Sue 'Bumfights' Makers

[San Diego] Two homeless men who say they were paid to hurt themselves and beat each other for a video sold on the Internet filed suit Wednesday against the filmmakers, who also face criminal charges.... The men are seeking unspecified punitive damages for assault and battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, civil rights violations and other allegations. After a three-month criminal investigation in the San Diego suburb of La Mesa, prosecutors last month charged four filmmakers with paying Brennan and Hannah to commit felony assaults on each other....

La Mesa police have said about 300,000 copies of the "Bumfights" tape have sold at $20 each. On the tape, a homeless man is seen ripping out his front tooth with pliers. Another man, a self-described crack addict, sets his head on fire. Others stomp and pummel each other until bloody.