How Not To Fly (about)

DNA Patterns Produce Ultimate Personalised Gift

Items bearing colourful patterns based on the recipient's own genetic fingerprint are being touted as the ultimate personalised gift.... To demonstrate the technique, Sullivan's team produced a necklace that used gemstones to represent the bands in a genetic fingerprint, with slugs of silver in between, representing the distances between each band.

Something tells me DNA jewelry won't play so well on Planet Vulcan:

Stem Cell Test Would Mix Mouse, Human

Dr. Irving Weissman, a stem cell expert at Stanford University, said that making mice with human cells could be "an enormously important experiment," but if done carelessly, could lead to outcomes that are "too horrible to contemplate."

He gave as an extreme example the possibility that a mouse making human sperm might accidentally be allowed to mate with a mouse that had made its eggs from human cells.

Lawsuit Says Vulcan Statue Endorses Religion

The suit said Dykes is a Christian who believes there is only the Judeo-Christian God of the Bible and is offended by the placement of the deity in a public park.... The statute, one of the world's largest iron figures, was created for the 1904 Louisiana Purchase Exposition at St. Louis and was cast as a tribute to Birmingham's iron industry.

Dog-Semen Dispute Produces Judge's Order

[Chester County, PA] In [a July 19 court] order, Santi agreed to pay Govette $2,800 for the cost of preparing about 150 vials of frozen semen from her 15 championship Welsh corgis for transfer to another facility.

Santi paid the money; however, when she arrived at Govette's facility on July 26, he refused to release the frozen semen unless Santi would sign a waiver of liability -- a provision that was not included in the judge's order. Sanchez ordered Govette to pay Santi's legal fees and turn over the vials, known as straws, no later than 3 p.m. yesterday, which he did.

Hot Laptop Burns Scientist's Penis

[London, England] "The ventral part of his scrotal skin had turned red, and there was a blister with a diameter of about two centimetres (0.8 inches)," Claes-Gorn Ostenson, of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, wrote in a letter published in The Lancet medical journal on Friday....

Ostenson noted that the computer manual did warn against operating it directly on exposed skin but said the patient had lap burns even though he had been wearing trousers and underpants.

Man Indicted In Alleged Attempt To Cash In On Case Of Missing Utah Girl

[Salt Lake City, UT] A grand jury indicted an 18-year-old man Wednesday for allegedly trying to extort $3 million by falsely claiming to be the kidnapper of Elizabeth Smart. Walter Kenneth Holloway, of Charleston, S.C., allegedly sent more than three dozen e-mails claiming he was the kidnapper and demanding ransom....

The FBI found Holloway, who was using the screen name "Elizabethsmartkidnapper," by serving his Internet service provider with a subpoena for account information.

Ibero Summit: Spanish, Portuguese Speaking Nations Confront Long-Standing Poverty, Debt

Leaders of Spain, Portugal and their former colonies in the Americas agreed Saturday to a plan for confronting the poverty, debt, and unemployment that have plagued them for years....

"We go from summit to summit, and our people go from abyss to abyss," said Chavez, who draws strong backing from Venezuela's poor.... Argentina, languishing in a nearly 5-year-old recession marked by 22 percent unemployment, on Thursday failed to make a full debt payment of about $800 million owed to the World Bank.... Some countries were concerned about possible spillover effects from political unrest in Venezuela and Argentina's economic crisis.

South American Presidentes Gone Wild!!!

What's A Hairy Butt Between Friends?

[Mansfield Township, NJ] An argument between two friends over which one had the hairiest buttocks escalated into a brawl that ended when one man slashed the other.

Michael Jackson Testifies In California Trial

[Santa Maria] The self-styled King of Pop was called as a hostile witness in a $21-million breach of contract lawsuit over two cancelled millennium concerts...

Man charged after Partner Dies In Sex Act

[St Paul, MN] Steven H. Bailey, 54, is accused of killing 53-year-old Maceo Frank Brodnax of West Hollywood, Calif., during an act of "erotic asphyxia," which involves depriving someone of oxygen for sexual arousal... Bailey admitted he placed a gas mask on Brodnax and covered the end with a plastic bag containing a chloroform-soaked cloth. Bailey told police he could hear the bag moving and crinkling, but then the phone rang and he said he lost track of time....

Even after realizing Brodnax wasn't breathing, Bailey videotaped himself fondling and striking the dead man, court papers state.

White House: We've Made History

Around 1:30 a.m., White House spokesman Ari Fleischer announced that for the first time in U.S. history the president's party gained seats in the House during the administration's first midterm elections. He also noted that the same Republican coup d'etat was accomplished in the Senate.

• Bush raised more than $200 million for the [midterm] cycle, including more than $140 million this year.
• The president visited 40 states in all, 30 of them at least twice.
• Vice President Dick Cheney raised more than $40 million and traveled nearly constantly in the final months of the campaign, making roughly 30 trips since August.
• In the final month alone, 12 of the 14 members of the Bush Cabinet made stops in a combined 33 states.

"I think he's done something that I think President Clinton did not do in midterm races or even in his own re-election," said former Clinton White House Chief Of Staff John Podesta, "which is to use all of the authority of the White House to try to get some kind of electoral advantage. That's something that I think is within the bounds of the laws and regulations there are, but still I think it really is a first in American politics."

"The president played a very constructive role in making history, historical trends are very hard to break," Fleischer said during a call to reporters. "Not only have we kept the House, but we've gained seats. This is the first time since the Civil War."

Republicans Retake Control With Strong Showing

Republicans recaptured control of the Senate last night, ending 17 months of Democratic rule and giving President Bush dominance over both houses of Congress and their legislative agendas.... Former senator Frank R. Lautenberg (D-N.J.), making a comeback at age 78, defeated Republican Douglas Forrester for the New Jersey seat...

Eugene Kane: Race Again Plays Part In 'Riot' Coverage

For some reason, whenever black folks turn rowdy, it's a riot. When white folks do the exact same thing, well... it's something else.

Madison -- The city's annual Halloween celebration turned violent early Sunday as drunken costumed revelers threw bottles, overturned bicycle racks and vandalized stores on State St.

Notice, if you will, the absence of the "r-word" in that first paragraph. And it seems almost mandatory in this case, given that the crowd was estimated at 65,000 and police had to use tear gas to quell the rioters. Er, I mean revelers....

A massive local and federal police force outnumbered and overwhelmed anti-globalization protesters Friday in downtown Washington and quickly stamped out sporadic acts of vandalism in a morning of demonstrations that ended with hundreds of arrests.

Again, no riot. But, when it's a group of rowdy black kids at Shermanfest a few years ago, the descriptions differ. As in this Associated Press story:

An outdoor jazz festival resumed peacefully after hundreds of people rioted in the streets Saturday night....

And let's not forget this nugget from our hometown newspaper:

At least six people were arrested late Saturday when hundreds of people leaving Shermanfest rioted in neighborhood streets, vandalizing homes and businesses, police said.

Notice a pattern?